Is Your Relationship Falling Apart?

That space of time we call “Falling in Love”. We wish this passionate phase in our lives could last forever. The heady feelings of lust and romance, that sweet feeling you get when your lover takes you by the hand. This passion does not last. It is unrealistic to expect it would.

When you think about it, the act of falling in love is somewhat exhausting and for some it may be a relief when the rush of love settles down. And in it’s place comes a stronger love. Some relationships may end when the passion wears off, as one partner may misunderstand the other, and not feel loved anymore. In many situations this is not the case. Remember back to when you and your love first fell in love. Do you remember the excitement and the sleepless nights? It is true what they say; that man cannot live on love alone. For your relationship to go the distance, that euphoria of excitement and passion needs to be replaced with the act of growing in love together, learning about each other and building a solid foundation based on love, trust and commitment that will last forever.

In every relationship, even in their infancy there are tell tale signs that will show you whether the relationship and your significant other is growing and moving along in the right direction or heading up the garden path. In writing this article, I make the assumption that it’s early days in the relationship, and this is a guide for those who may feel as though something is amiss and may be able to fix the problem or leave and find a more suitable partner.

Does your lover call regularly and are you spending plenty of quality time together? When you first fell in love it was impossible to imagine being apart from each other, however it is quite normal for those feelings to subside and for both partners to wish to have some space outside the relationship. If it seems like your mate is otherwise engaged in various activities and not calling regularly or taking you out very much, then this could be a sign that things are not well in your relationship.

Do you both agree on most issues, such as your basic needs and values? This is an important sign as to whether you are both right for each other. In the euphoric state of love you probably agreed on most things. But if you feel that you are both bickering about the important issues and perhaps the minor ones, like what to have for dinner, this could mean trouble. A time will come when you will not discuss issues and hold your feelings inside and that can cause the most emotionally mature person to explode in frustration and anger.

Do you have many interests that you both share, like a love of animals or music? Imagine your love serenading you with a love song, whilst playing the guitar. How romantic did you feel after that? Of course you would not expect him or her to serenade you every day, but if you are not sharing those special things you enjoy together, then this could be a sign. It also could be a wake up call to focus on your interests together.

Has your sex live taken a dive? This could be a very good sign that things are amiss. Having said that, there could be a really good reason for your mate to refuse sex. If it seems like your lover is just making excuses and not telling you the real reason then you need to communicate and discuss these issues with care and compassion. Don’t assume that they are not attracted to you anymore, get the facts. And this point leads on to my next observation about relationships.

Is your communication good? Do you still find it easy to talk to your lover? Or do you shudder at the though of bringing up a sensitive topic? If you cannot communicate with each other, then the bottom line is; you are in trouble. No relationship can survive without communication and good communication at that. If you do not have good communication and a comfortable way of relating between you then it is going to be doubly hard to solve any kind of problem that arises. Especially the problem outlined above. You need to know how to listen with your eyes and your ears, and talk from the heart with compassion and care. You should be able to resolve conflict where both partners win.

Do you feel as if you are not good enough? Does your partner put you down or criticise you? We are all good enough, and criticising others is a waste of time. This type of behaviour only shatters that person’s self esteem. How much of a wonderful partner will they be to the other if this is happening? If your partner is criticising you; ask them to stop it. If you are criticising your partner, then stop, now. Find another way to deal with the issues within your lover that you do not like. There are ways of talking with your lover about negative issues without attacking your lover.

Is your partner flirting with others? Or being secretive? Do you think they are cheating on you? This is very hard to spot or pin point and really it’s probably best to ask them straight out. “Are you seeing somebody else?” If they lie to you, you will know, the guilt will be written all over their face, unless the person is an excellent liar. Don’t sneak around and snoop through their things, their mobile phone or car. Confront your lover, head on. You are supposed to trust this person and snooping around or following them is not showing trust. Even if you live with your lover or are married to them, showing them you trust them is really important. As I said above, I feel that you should be completely straight forward about how you feel.

When you first met it was all so easy to keep the spark alive. Perhaps you are feeling like the spark is no longer glowing. This is where you make or break the relationship. It begins with you. You need to look deep into your heart and soul and decide if you really want a relationship with this person. Start by doing as many things as you can to build your self esteem and be a loving person to your self in every way possible. Your partner will begin to respond in kind. Talk out your issues one by one, sticking to that subject until it is resolved, then move on the next topic. Be upfront and direct about what bothers you, and always be compassionate towards your lover. When they are talking about their feelings, try and stand in their shoes as you listen to them and then ask the same of them.

Get involved with your interests and hobbies and encourage them to join you. Have fun together, laugh together. These things are so important in building closeness. This is the beginning of that solid foundation that you will be building for the future. A mature love, that grows and grows and the two of you become one.


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Copyright © 2007 Janelle Coulton

Taking Love For Granted Will Destroy Your Relationship

We all need to feel valued, appreciated and loved. These feelings are necessary in any healthy relationship to keep the couple bonded together. It is the positive reinforcement that you receive from your partner that make it easy to love them back in return. It is also this positive reinforcement that promotes the essence of romance and intimacy within your relationship.

When couples do not exchange positive remarks and endearments on a regular basis, the relationship will begin a downward spiral and eventually collapse. The foundation on which the relationship is built on will no longer be rock solid and the structure of your relationship will come tumbling down around you. How does this happen?

You need to understand how our relationship got to where it is now. In the early days couples tend to spend more time on making an effort for their significant other, for example; paying more attention to fitness, health, appearance, romance and sensitivity to each other’s feelings. We do this to win each another’s approval and commitment. In the beginning of our relationships it is human nature for you to want to put your best foot forward to win over your mate.

Unfortunately after the “honeymoon period” is over, couples will tend to take a back seat and may take each other for granted. You may start to feel as though because you have made a lifelong commitment, what you are giving to the relationship is enough. Over a period of time, the romance and extra affection and attention start to dwindle away and this affects the quality of the relationship. The closeness, the intimacy and romantic moments that couples once shared is not a strong as before.

Many people just accept this as the norm, something that happens in every relationship or marriage. They think that it’s quite okay, and what is important is the fact that they are committed to their relationship or marriage and that is what will keep them together. They feel that the bond of commitment and or marriage vows will keep the relationship together. But you know better than that, there has to be more.

The commitment that you share within your relationship is not enough to hold the relationship together. You and your partner need to work on your relationships and invest time, energy, romance, affection and attention in order for your relationship to survive. A relationship needs as much care as you would give to a young child or tiny infant.

Does the following apply to your relationship? Can you relate to any of the following behaviors in the list below? Read through the five relationship myths below to see if any of them apply to your relationship:

Myth 1. Your partner is not complaining, so you think everything is ok.This is where communication comes in, you both must take the time to talk with your partner and listen to their concerns. You need to talk in depth about feelings, concerns or worries. Don’t assume that it is ok that you are not talking about things or be lulled into a false sense of security if your partner is not making any complaints. Eventually he or she will complain, possibly when it is too late to do anything about it.

Myth 2. “ It’s okay to let my appearance go, my partner loves me for who I am”No, this is never okay. You have a responsibility to keep yourselves attractive for your partner. If you do not do this, your partner will feel as though making the effort to look good, smell good and stay fit and attractive for their significant other is not worthy of their time. Taking your partner for granted in this way will not keep your sex life active and the romance will fizzle out of the relationship.

Myth 3. You’ve stopped doing all the romantic things to show how much you care, it’s okay we’re committed now. When you stop showing affection and speaking terms of endearment, life: “I love you” or bringing your lover little gifts or flowers, your partner will feel taken for granted and eventually feel unloved and unappreciated.

Myth 4. “We are married. We don’t have express appreciation or say thank you as often.” If you don’t remember to appreciate your mate and say thank you when he or she does sometime we like, your mate can feel unappreciated and unloved. Your partner may begin to feel as though they are not valued within the relationship.

Myth 5. You’re too busy for relationship issues, work, and other commitments, but it’s ok they will understand. You should not put your loved ones on the back burner. They deserve to come first in your life, most of the time. You cannot ignore the need to devote time to your relationship or you run the risk of your partner feeling taken for granted. The relationship is in danger of losing the intimacy and connection you once shared. When you do decide to give your relationship some effort, your partner may well not be interested. Your partner may be full of resentment and hurt, and it may well be that you’ve left things a little late.

The commitment you share is not enough to keep your relationship or marriage together. You must consistently nurture your relationship on a regular basis. What you put in to it, you will get back and your relationship will reap the benefits. You must be prepared to give more if you want a happy, healthy and stable life together.


Link to this article and many others like this at:
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For more information on making your marriage a more successful and close relationship please visit SavetheMarriage and met Amy Waterman, she will guide you through the process of getting your marriage back on track.

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Copyright ©2007, Janelle Coulton