Are you Caught up in the Blame Game?
When couples argue, there are usually accusations of a certain nature being discussed and we tend to get caught up in; what I call “The Blame Game.” Quite frankly, no matter what you are arguing about, whether it be money, time spent together as a couple/with the children, chores or sex, it makes absolutely no sense to blame each other. Blaming and accusations get us nowhere.
When we get into an argument with our partner, we would be much better off to express our feelings from our own point of view, without blames the other. You may ask, “how do I do this?” Simply by stating your feelings from the first person, such as “I feel hurt, when we argued about our money issues last night, and then perhaps you could move on to saying “I’m not blaming you, but I feel that we need to fix this.” Instead of wasting precious time arguing and accusing,
which leads to the Blame Game trap.
Both people are blaming and trying to win the argument, because it has become about being right. Not about solving the issue at hand. Focusing on a solution, rather than arguing about who did what is far more positive and helpful. In time the Blame Game will erode at your self esteem, it will cause distrust, insecurity and build a lot of resentment. Not very healthy.
Keep working on finding a solution, where both parties win. To put it simply, compromise is usually the best option.
Copyright ©2007, Janelle Coulton
If you enjoyed this article, there is more information and reading material at my site, the link is below:
http://www.freewebs.com/jelbaby/freeoffer.htm
Saturday, August 25, 2007
Ditch the Rules - by Amy Waterman
“Why You Should Ditch the Rules”
A long, long time ago, the path from courtship to marriage was clear. Women waited for men to ask them out, allowed men to pay for every date, and breathlessly anticipated a marriage proposal.
Back then, the rules of courtship were clearly defined. There were things a woman did … and things she should NEVER do. Only a vulgar and shameless woman would pursue a man.
Many of today’s so-called “time-tested secrets” for meeting and attracting Mr. Right come from that era, an age in which men were MEN, and women were WOMEN, and gender roles kept them an arms-length apart.
Playing by those rules today isn’t just old-fashioned; it’s just plain limiting. Today, we as women have more freedom than at any other time in human history. We can work in whatever job we want, live wherever we want, and date whomever we want! Why, then, would we willingly step back under the yoke of courtship Do’s and Don’ts designed in a culture that’s long past and good riddance?
Because, in the often-confusing modern dating world, rules make us feel safe. Do’s and Don’ts can keep us from making mistakes. Dating “rules” (like ending a phone call first, or not accepting a weekend date after Wednesday) can prevent us from getting rejected.
Or can they?
If you keep yourself from doing certain things around men and make yourself do others based on FEAR that you’ll make a mistake or FEAR that he’ll reject you, then you’re setting the foundation for a relationship based on insecurity.
It’s the same error our grandmothers and great-grandmothers made so many years ago: they looked to the MEN to define whether they were in a relationship, what form it would take, and how long it would last.
As a result, the only way women were able to influence the outcome was through indirect means – such being mysterious, playing “hard to get,” and not letting on how they felt – to get what they wanted.
Today, it’s wonderful that men and women both can be so open, honest, and direct about topics that were taboo just a few generations before. But with this freedom comes power … and a great deal of confusion.
Even though the old rules were restricting, at least they gave us the confidence of familiarity. We knew what to do. We knew what the man’s role was, and we knew what the woman’s role was.
But if men and women each have an equal say in dating and relationships, then who is supposed to make the next move … and what even IS the next move?
The old dating Do’s and Don’ts simply are not flexible enough to account for the way society has changed and the diversity of cultures that exists.
That’s why I believe it is so important that we develop a new paradigm for dating and relationships that reflects who we are as modern women in a modern dating world.
That's why Amy Waterman, author of How to Be Irresistible to Men, and Marie Forleo, author of Make Every Man Want You, got together to produce a dating course unlike any other. They set out to show how women can find out what to do in ANY dating situation, in a way that’s appropriate, effortless, and completely IRRESISTIBLE … all without resorting to outdated Do’s and Don’t that may not even apply to them!
Their collaboration resulted in the riveting audio program, Make Every Man Want You MORE! Over the six-lesson course, Amy and Marie lay out the essential tools every modern woman needs in a modern dating world, what it takes to move a relationship along from casual to committed, how to navigate tricky dating areas like communication, sex, “baggage” from your past, and more.
Single women today can feel enormously pressured to live up to a high standard in ALL areas of their life, from their careers to their appearance to their love life. If you don’t want to settle for anything less than excellence in life AND love, then Make Every Man Want You More will teach you how to effortlessly and flawlessly achieve your goals.
Find out more by going to:
000 RELATIONSHIPS
For more information or to read more about relationship visit Jel's websites:
www.freewebs.com/jelbaby/freeoffer.htm
www.freewebs.com/jel1.htm
A long, long time ago, the path from courtship to marriage was clear. Women waited for men to ask them out, allowed men to pay for every date, and breathlessly anticipated a marriage proposal.
Back then, the rules of courtship were clearly defined. There were things a woman did … and things she should NEVER do. Only a vulgar and shameless woman would pursue a man.
Many of today’s so-called “time-tested secrets” for meeting and attracting Mr. Right come from that era, an age in which men were MEN, and women were WOMEN, and gender roles kept them an arms-length apart.
Playing by those rules today isn’t just old-fashioned; it’s just plain limiting. Today, we as women have more freedom than at any other time in human history. We can work in whatever job we want, live wherever we want, and date whomever we want! Why, then, would we willingly step back under the yoke of courtship Do’s and Don’ts designed in a culture that’s long past and good riddance?
Because, in the often-confusing modern dating world, rules make us feel safe. Do’s and Don’ts can keep us from making mistakes. Dating “rules” (like ending a phone call first, or not accepting a weekend date after Wednesday) can prevent us from getting rejected.
Or can they?
If you keep yourself from doing certain things around men and make yourself do others based on FEAR that you’ll make a mistake or FEAR that he’ll reject you, then you’re setting the foundation for a relationship based on insecurity.
It’s the same error our grandmothers and great-grandmothers made so many years ago: they looked to the MEN to define whether they were in a relationship, what form it would take, and how long it would last.
As a result, the only way women were able to influence the outcome was through indirect means – such being mysterious, playing “hard to get,” and not letting on how they felt – to get what they wanted.
Today, it’s wonderful that men and women both can be so open, honest, and direct about topics that were taboo just a few generations before. But with this freedom comes power … and a great deal of confusion.
Even though the old rules were restricting, at least they gave us the confidence of familiarity. We knew what to do. We knew what the man’s role was, and we knew what the woman’s role was.
But if men and women each have an equal say in dating and relationships, then who is supposed to make the next move … and what even IS the next move?
The old dating Do’s and Don’ts simply are not flexible enough to account for the way society has changed and the diversity of cultures that exists.
That’s why I believe it is so important that we develop a new paradigm for dating and relationships that reflects who we are as modern women in a modern dating world.
That's why Amy Waterman, author of How to Be Irresistible to Men, and Marie Forleo, author of Make Every Man Want You, got together to produce a dating course unlike any other. They set out to show how women can find out what to do in ANY dating situation, in a way that’s appropriate, effortless, and completely IRRESISTIBLE … all without resorting to outdated Do’s and Don’t that may not even apply to them!
Their collaboration resulted in the riveting audio program, Make Every Man Want You MORE! Over the six-lesson course, Amy and Marie lay out the essential tools every modern woman needs in a modern dating world, what it takes to move a relationship along from casual to committed, how to navigate tricky dating areas like communication, sex, “baggage” from your past, and more.
Single women today can feel enormously pressured to live up to a high standard in ALL areas of their life, from their careers to their appearance to their love life. If you don’t want to settle for anything less than excellence in life AND love, then Make Every Man Want You More will teach you how to effortlessly and flawlessly achieve your goals.
Find out more by going to:
000 RELATIONSHIPS
For more information or to read more about relationship visit Jel's websites:
www.freewebs.com/jelbaby/freeoffer.htm
www.freewebs.com/jel1.htm
Save a Marriage with Unconditional Love
Saving Marriages With Unconditional Love - By Amy Waterman
In the middle of a session the other day I had a powerful realization. I was asked to think of a relationship I had with something in the last week that in my mind was the ideal relationship, and to think of what it was about that relationship that made it ideal.
A number of men in the group thought of their cars, tool sheds, families, workmates, old friends, even relationships with objects such as their television remote, recliner chair, or favorite pair of shoes. To each of these men, these things felt comfortable, and simple. The relationships they had with these people or objects was rewarding and easy to maintain.
When my turn came to identify my ideal relationship, I thought of my dog. My dog has very simple needs, and it is the ultimate ego-boost for me when I get home at night and I am greeted in such an enthusiastic fashion. I don’t know of any others that greet me so enthusiastically night after night. No matter how long I have been away from the house or no matter how my day has been. I call this unconditional love.
So what is unconditional love?
Unconditional love is the type of love that comes without conditions. It is the type of love that you have for your partner when the romantic, hollywood-style love is gone. Once the romantic love is gone you make the transition to "real" love. Real love is love you have for your partner despite the knowledge that they are not perfect. You know your partner has faults. You know your partner is not perfect. You know your partner makes mistakes sometimes, but that’s okay. You still love them. This is unconditional love.
The same thing applies to you however in looking at your partner’s faults. You acknowledge that you are the same. You have faults. You are not perfect. You know you make mistakes sometimes, but that’s okay. That’s called self-acceptance, and you expect unconditional love to overcome the faults and imperfections that people have.
So what do you get from this then? Should we all go out and get dogs to teach us something about unconditional love? Maybe there is a lesson to be learnt here. We all clutter our lives with trials and tribulations, and there is the temptation to let
But if you are serious about saving your marriage you need to put the clutter to one side and let your unconditional love come through. It is okay to have faults and make mistakes. And love will conquer them all.
Have a think about unconditional love and how you can apply this realization to your relationship.
By Amy Waterman
Save My Marriage Today
More information, articles and free downloads are available, please visit the following link:
http://www.freewebs.com/jelbaby/freeoffer.htm
In the middle of a session the other day I had a powerful realization. I was asked to think of a relationship I had with something in the last week that in my mind was the ideal relationship, and to think of what it was about that relationship that made it ideal.
A number of men in the group thought of their cars, tool sheds, families, workmates, old friends, even relationships with objects such as their television remote, recliner chair, or favorite pair of shoes. To each of these men, these things felt comfortable, and simple. The relationships they had with these people or objects was rewarding and easy to maintain.
When my turn came to identify my ideal relationship, I thought of my dog. My dog has very simple needs, and it is the ultimate ego-boost for me when I get home at night and I am greeted in such an enthusiastic fashion. I don’t know of any others that greet me so enthusiastically night after night. No matter how long I have been away from the house or no matter how my day has been. I call this unconditional love.
So what is unconditional love?
Unconditional love is the type of love that comes without conditions. It is the type of love that you have for your partner when the romantic, hollywood-style love is gone. Once the romantic love is gone you make the transition to "real" love. Real love is love you have for your partner despite the knowledge that they are not perfect. You know your partner has faults. You know your partner is not perfect. You know your partner makes mistakes sometimes, but that’s okay. You still love them. This is unconditional love.
The same thing applies to you however in looking at your partner’s faults. You acknowledge that you are the same. You have faults. You are not perfect. You know you make mistakes sometimes, but that’s okay. That’s called self-acceptance, and you expect unconditional love to overcome the faults and imperfections that people have.
So what do you get from this then? Should we all go out and get dogs to teach us something about unconditional love? Maybe there is a lesson to be learnt here. We all clutter our lives with trials and tribulations, and there is the temptation to let
But if you are serious about saving your marriage you need to put the clutter to one side and let your unconditional love come through. It is okay to have faults and make mistakes. And love will conquer them all.
Have a think about unconditional love and how you can apply this realization to your relationship.
By Amy Waterman
Save My Marriage Today
More information, articles and free downloads are available, please visit the following link:
http://www.freewebs.com/jelbaby/freeoffer.htm
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